Archive for the ‘baby’ Category

TheJennifer: “Oh look! Here’s a packet of ten bibs. I can put these individual ones back and get these. That’s all I’ll need.”

“Hey, Gerber has a pack of onesies. 6 should almost last me a week. I can just do a load every week. Oh heck, why don’t we get two packs and do laundry every other week?”

TheJennifer: “Honey, why are you using that rag as a bib? We bought ten, you know.”
“What do you mean he used them all? He’s not even done with lunch!”

“Dear, do you think we should do a load or two a day instead of 8 on the weekend? I think I smell the motor burning. We really need more onesies. Winter is coming soon. We can’t keep him nekkid all the time. Yes, even if it IS easier to clean him. Someone might see and call CPS.”


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I don’t know about mothers who’ve had more than one child as I’m a brand-spankin’ new mom. But if you are a first time mom, doesn’t it feel like YOU are the first mother EVER?
You think nobody else could have felt what you are feeling? These gut-wrenching fears, or the all encompassing love that overwhelms you at times. Nobody else has experienced and noticed these wonderful new things the way you have? How amazingly developed the muscles in his neck are or evolved his comedic timing is.

Are you as annoying to experienced mothers as they seem to be to you?

Brand New Mothers: “”Every kid does that?” Arrghh!!! MY child is SPECIAL! How can you be so blind as to NOT recognize this?”
Experienced Mothers: “Oh good Lord, you’d think you invented Motherhood! Get over yourself!”

As a new mom, I implore experience mothers to let us have this moment. Just nod your head and say, “That’s wonderful!” instead of “Yeah, most of them will at that age.”

Let us rhapsodize about his cute farts, sweet smelling poos, his amazing aim & timing with his peeing…just this once. Don’t ruin the moment by rolling your eyes. Or telling us how singularly normal all this is.

Remember when you thought YOUR child’s every babble was the most scintillating conversation…every bodily function was the most fascinating thing in the world? That his every action proved he was the most advanced baby this world had ever seen?

I think all children should have had that opportunity…to be that loved in someone’s eyes. Whether a biological mother, adoptive mother, or grandparents…SOMEONE should look at that child and fit to burst with love and pride. My heart breaks for those kids who never got to see or experience what should have been a God-given right to have.

This truly is a magical time for us new moms…kind of like the moment in time when your children believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. So don’t ruin it for us. It’s so fleeting. Who’s it gonna hurt?

Besides, I promise if you let us have this time, I won’t let the cat out of the bag about Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

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Pains of Motherhood

1. Stretchmarks and C-section scar…
2. Heartburn like you wouldn’t believe. Almost would rather not eat than have to deal with it.
3. Gaining weight/bloating: even if you do manage to lose ‘baby weight’, your body will never look like it did BB. “Before Baby”
4. Memory loss: I thought I was going crazy until I read it’s a common thing. If you give me a list of things to do, you lose me at #2.
5. Constipation/hemorrhoids…always ask for the prenatal vitamins with ‘stool softener’. You’ll thank me for this piece of advice.
6. Breasts making a run for the border…the southern border.
7. Breasts sore…or other problems. (thrush, vasospasm, blocked duct, cracking/bleeding, etc.)
8. Hair falling out in clumps. Last time I was in the shower, I had to move the clump to the side for the water to drain. No exaggeration. I don’t need to.
9. Surviving on 3 hours of sleep a DAY. (which probably leads to #4…and possibly #8, too.)
10. Fractured tailbone…you have to sit on a donut, get steroids injected directly into your spine, or surgery.

I list all these not to bellyache about motherhood. In fact, I list these to illustrate how MUCH I love my son.

If I had to do the pregnancy all over again, and knowing these were in store for me…ALL OF THESE and more, I’d do in a second…to have my baby.
How crazy is that? Must be love. 🙂

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Two weeks ago, I returned to work…very reluctantly. I SO wanted to be home with my baby.
Intellectually, B and I talked about the return: The Day would arrive. We’d prepare by doing this and that. He’d take him, and I would pick up. It was all nice, clean, and simple.
Until The Day came.
B asked me if I wanted to go with him to drop him off. I responded, “Are you crazy?! You’ll never get me to leave that place.”
So I went to work…and didn’t allow myself to even call.
When I went to pick him up, he was SO tired, he looked drugged. (must explain: he never liked sleeping anyway…so this 2 month old baby-who should be sleeping 16-20 hours a day…had two naps of 10 minutes each.) I got him home and to my breast. He fell asleep and only woke up for feed through the night until the next morning.
I was SO depressed. Was this all the interaction I would get with my son 5 days out of 7?!
I admit, it got a little better. But still really difficult.
The daycare is nice. They are more concerned about cleanliness than I am. (bed linens changed every day, nobody walks into the room with street shoes on, baby’s hand washed after every diaper change, etc.) But my baby doesn’t get the undivided attention he gets at home. What if they leave him in his cage (because admittedly, it looks like one) all day just staring up into the fluorescent lights? (B said he did this one day when he dropped him off.) Or he’s placed in the bouncy seat all by himself…as I’ve seen.
Yeah, yeah. He’s less than three months. What else is he going to do? He can’t walk over to the other kids. Or tell them what he wants. He’s such a good baby, he normally doesn’t even cry to get their attention!
That’s why I feel like I may have to resort to bribery.
Does that sound a little extreme? Well, this is my child! Of course it’s not overt…that’s just tacky.
I mean, I may bring nice, homemade cookies or cake that I baked an ‘extra’ one of. Compliment the ladies on this or that.
I don’t know if it will work…but can’t hurt. Right? Has anyone else done this? Any pointers?

This is what I’ve come to. Bribery!

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My big bouncing boy

Our baby boy is not yet 3 months…will be in a few days.  His daycare teacher asked us to get bigger diapers. We JUST put him in size 2s not even a month ago! At the rate he’s going, he’ll be in toddler size in a few months.

I think I know what happened. When we went to the ‘Intro to Baby Care’ class, we were a little late. Others had already chosen their newborn dolls to practice on. The only dolls left were the bigger ones…much bigger than what others chose. I held up my hand and asked, “Is this about the size of a newborn?”

She laughed, “Oh no. That doll is a representation of a 3 month old. Your baby won’t be nearly that big.”

We all laughed. “Ha ha ha…wouldn’t it be funny if the baby was that big? I wouldn’t want to deliver something that big! Ha ha ha.”

Famous last words.

As it turns out, Noodles came out about the size of the doll.

So the lesson here is get to class on time and snatch the SMALLEST doll!

But seriously….

He is the only baby I’ve had…and held for any extended period of time. It was a big shock to hold an average sized baby last week. A friend of ours had a baby girl weighing in at about 7 pounds. She had the smallest little face and felt as light as a feather. No wonder everybody looked at Noodles and was shocked to learn he was a newborn.

I’m shock the doctor tried to have him pass the ‘natural’ way before giving up! (that’s another story for when I can think coherently)

Everybody tells me that he’ll be grown before you know it. Seems mine is in a super hurry to grow.

You’ve heard the saying “A daughter’s a daughter all your life, a son’s a son until he takes a wife.”

Makes me sad because many people will tell you how true it is. As there is a chance he’ll be an only child, makes me even sadder.

But I won’t dwell on it.

Instead I will gaze in awe at his perfect features, melt at his slow smiles, wonder what great things are in store for him, and thank God everyday that he’s mine!

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I’m coming to realize the biological reason for this phenomenon called ‘pregnancy brain’…that lasts well into motherhood. (At least the early part of motherhood. It might last longer, but as I am only experiencing the first part, I can’t corroborate nor can refute it right now.)

This is what I am thinking:

I distinctly remember telling B that Greyson would be an only child. The delivery wasn’t as smooth as we would have liked it. I had water retention to end all water retentions. (I took pictures to prove it!) The breastfeeding experience was and continues to be horrendously painful. It’s the end of the second month, and they still hurt! But I still do it because I know how good it is for the baby.

I was SO SURE I didn’t want another baby.

But now I’m not so sure. I see pictures of my little one so cute and cuddly…and I want another one!
That is why I figure this ‘motherhood amnesia’ is necessary for procreation and the propagation of the species.

How can you look at this face and NOT want another one?!


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If a man comes home to his wife who had their baby a few weeks (even months) ago and say, “So what HAVE you been doing all day.” after looking around the house, I believe you could argue justifiable homicide.


It’s been almost 6 weeks since I had Noodles…but I don’t seem to get anything done other than be a walking milk bottle for him. He’s been eating every 2-3 hours. And realize that he may eat at 2 o’clock…but if he eats 2 hours later, he’s STARTS at 2, finishes at 2:40. THEN AGAIN starts at 4!

Now he’s hitting his second growth spurt. He eats every hour, it seems like. I think my boobs are attached to him more than not. No exaggeration. They are so sore, anything rubbing up against them causes pain.

And I think I have or had everything wrong with breastfeeding possible:

First had bad latching causing cracked, bleeding nipple tips. Then had thrush which feels like needles and razors going through your breast after each feeding or expressing. Now I have vasospasm in both. And in one, have blocked duct in one of the breast. It feels like a hard knot the size of an egg that won’t release even a little without being massaged out. (and when I say ‘massage’, I mean pressing it until you have bruises)

But you know what? Even with all that, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for Noodles. Nothing.

Although I don’t know if I am going to breastfeed for the year I originally thought I was gonna do. I’m thinking more like 6. But it it doesn’t get better, 3 months.

Why do I feel like such a terrible mother?

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