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Archive for the ‘Fatherhood’ Category

If you live in Nebraska, you can legally get rid of him.

Is this a good precedent to set? I mean, as a future mother of a teen boy who I KNOW will drive me nuts from time to time, I can’t imagine just abandoning my boy. This would truly be the mother of all ‘abandonment issues’!

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Metrodad had an interesting entry a couple of days ago that made us have a long “discussion”.

I’ve been asking some friends of mine…parents and eductors…their opinion on this subject: is there a time when a little ‘physical persuasion’ is necessary?

I’d like to think Noodles can stand up for himself without resorting to violence. Or make sure he exhausts every other opportunity before he becomes physical. B, on the other hand, thinks as long as he is defending himself, he doesn’t have a problem with Noodles knocking someone on his butt.

Being in education, I figured I’d have more people…females…agree with me. I’ve actually been surprised by the range. I’ve had everything from “DEFINITELY…violence is never an option!” to “I agree with Metrodad. I have no problem with my son defending himself.” (I’m very curious to know if it will also reflect gender lines.)

A female friend put it eloquently: (more…)

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When I first started this blog…or rather the first versions on other blog services…I was doing it more as a ‘diary’ and a place to keep all of my internet ‘finds’ and fav sites.

Looking at all of my past entries, I can see how I have changed…don’t know if I have ‘grown’ necessarily…but definitely changed. The biggest change lately is the fact that most of my entries revolve around my pregnancy and motherhood. I never meant this to become a “mommy blog.” And it won’t always be one. I figure while this is the biggest ‘new thing’ in my life, that will be my focus. As I get used to it, it will be back to being more random.

Speaking of ‘mommy blogs’, I have a few I read pretty frequently. Not specifically ‘mommy blogs’. But things to do with babies and children:

But my favorites? Daddy blogs. And there are tons out there. My personal favorite is MetroDad. If you are easily offended by blue language, don’t read him. But if you want to read a funny, poignant, interesting view on parenting from a dad’s point of view, he’s your man.

Mommy blogs are fine…it’s neat to be able to share experiences, commiserate, and read what others are doing. However I like reading what the ‘other half’ thinks about fatherhood. (which, surprisingly, is similar…yet very different) It’s fascinating.

It’s also made me realize something: If we are so blessed to have another child after Noodles, I really, really hope we have a daughter. Yes, a ‘matching set’ would be nice. And a testosteron-y household may be a little overwhelming for this lone female. (And the horror stories about B and his brother growing up keep me up at nights.)
It’s more than that: I think B would be missing out on a life changing experience.

As I see it, when a man has a son, there is an element of selfishness to it. Yes, yes. He does want to provide for his child so he has a better life, protect, etc.
But if he’s honest with himself, there’s a lot of ‘me’ projected onto a son. For example, he wants a son to carry on the name…traditions. Do “Daddy and Son” things that either he did with his dad…or wished his dad had done with him. Live vicariously through him…things he (the dad) wasn’t able to do.
If the little scamp gets into shenanigans, he says, “Son, you know better.” But secretly, he’s rather proud of the cojones the kid has on him. Even telling his buddies about what ‘my boy did’…couching it in terms that implies disapproval yet body language and inflection that says, “Yup, that’s my BOY…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!”

A reflection of himself…projected into the future. (Probably a reason why fathers have a more difficult time dealing with a son ‘coming out’ than mothers.)

However, when a father has a daughter, I think it changes him fundamentally. It’s no longer about ‘me’…but more about her and her place in the world.

If he is a good man, he’s started that journey already…getting away from The Lord of the Flies mentality and stupid frat boy pranks that he thought were hilarious…right around the time he decided to care for someone else more than himself. (like a wife/life partner). Ideally.

But when he has a little girl, he goes beyond his wants and needs. He wants to make the world better and safer for his little princess. He realizes what a jerk he was…and never to let anyone like him near his precious child. He does things he never thought in a million years he’d do…as a man: tea parties, putting a ponytail in just so, soothing tears, having homicidal thoughts towards another being for, well, doing things he did when he was a young lad.

B’s always said that ‘Women Civilize Men.’ But a daughter takes the ‘civilized Man’ and temper him further, smooths out the rough edges, softens him. Makes him see beyond himself and his desires.
A daughter makes him a better man…a better human being.

Reading MetroDad’s entries…and how he describes himself “pre-daughter”…I don’t think I would’ve liked him much. But his experience with his daughter…how he talks about her and his wife…I wouldn’t mind ‘hangin’ with that guy.

We want to try to have another child soon after Noodles’ birth. If we were to have another son, I will still celebrate it and love him unconditionally. But I must admit, a small part of me will be sad for me. But a bigger part will be sad for B: All those tea parties he will miss. The daddy/daughter bonding that is so special. And the bittersweet tears of walking his little princess down the aisle.
Making the world just a little bit better for her.

It’s a good thing he’s a “good guy” to start with. 🙂

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Originally uploaded by dragonfly_727

We are almost at 25 weeks. Noodles has become very active. I no longer worry why I haven’t felt him move.
I have discovered while I was reading a magazine propped on my belly that when Noodles is practicing for his World Soccer debut, the magazine jumps rather noticeably.
The next week…a few days ago…while I was watching TV laying on the couch, I rested the remote on my belly. Every now and then, the remote would wobble and jump unexpectedly. I’d call B over to see…but of course Noodles would get really still.

But he’s been getting more and more active. It’s become a favorite pasttime for me now. I can sit here for an hour waiting for the little remote dance on my belly. Now even B can see it some times. I’ve found he seems to like The Pointer Sisters. (Doing the Neutron Dance, to be specific.)

So if you are ever visiting, and you see me doing absolutely nothing with something small on my stomach, I’m having some quality time with my son. Come back in an hour.

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I will soon be joining one of the oldest, most exclusive, but inclusive club: Motherhood.

Yes, we are pregnant! All of our doctor’s visits were successful. We are about 19 weeks along.

This sonogram is from an earlier doctor’s appointment. I should be posting the newest one next week sometime. I haven’t posted anything because 1) I didn’t want to write anything about the pregnancy until we passed the first trimester 2) we wanted to let all of our family and friends know before ‘announcing’ it online and 3) this was on my mind a LOT so I really couldn’t write about anything else.
noodles-blog-11wk.jpg

So there you go. We are pregnant…and scared spitless!

It’s too late to think about ‘if we are ready’…kinda too late for that. But still, am I ready to be a good mother?

Being an elementary school teacher, you see day-to-day the things that kids can get into. It’s scary out there!

Please, God…let me be a good mother! Ready or not…here he comes!

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“You can’t fix stupid.”

You have a lot of worries about your child as he grows: You can’t always be there to pick him up when he falls, choose the right friends for him, or make the good choices for him. You worry about all that…even though you know you can’t do anything about them.

But when your child is yet unborn, your worries are simple: “Please, God, let my baby be healthy.”
The prayer right after that is for our child to be smart. At least that would be ours.

No, not “Let him/her be pretty/handsome.” Yes, that would be nice, but if I had to choose between smart and pretty, smart wins out every time.

You could argue that pretty people have it easier in life. That is true…but pretty without intelligence, you will always be dependent on others. And on your looks. Once that goes, what do you have?

However, if you are going to be…not so academically inclined then you better be good looking. Or the world is going to be a cold, cruel place. Oh to be unattractive AND dumb. You might as well call it a day. Go home, take a sheet of paper and write “Kick Me” and stick it to your shirt. Your one saving grace would be if you had a great personality/out look on life. That could be your one saving grace. You see movies about things like that happening all the time. Doesn’t happen a LOT…but it does happen.

On the other hand, pure intelligence is not enough. According to Daniel Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence” weighs more than IQ in society. And for the most part, I do agree. You know those super brainy people with no people skills? They only go so far in life unless they learn how to deal with people. You steer clear of them. Admit it…you might even make fun of them…all the while wanting them to do your homework. (There are always exceptions to the rule…like Bill Gates. I personally think his wife had a lot to do with that. Doesn’t he seem more ‘personable’ nowadays.)
I bet you could name many people who don’t seem particularly smart, but they are very successful. They know how to work people. They are good at networking. Some would say they are ‘people persons’.

Defense rests.

So maybe I should amend my prayers from first healthy, then intelligence ALONG WITH good social skills.

It keeps getting longer and longer the more I think about it.

No, we just want a healthy child…10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect little bundle of joy.

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B got a thumbs up. His swimmers are good. Good number, good motility (or however you spell that)…all around good.

It’s strange my reaction…or maybe it’s very natural. Now that we know he can father children, I feel like the responsibility is all on me. If nothing happens, it’s my fault.  My intellectual side says that’s being silly. I can’t control everything…but it’s difficult to separate the heart from these matters.

To say the least, I am a wee bit stressed about it…even though I know I’ve been given a clean bill of health…still….

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