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Archive for the ‘Motherhood’ Category

I noticed I haven’t posted anything since January…8 months ago.

To be honest, I’m surprised I even posted then. I must have been really annoyed with the wings at the time.

Well, what’s happened since then?
Had another baby…a little girl. She was a “teeny” baby of 8 pounds 3 ounces. To the World, a goodly sized baby. To us, an amazingly small baby. (Remember big brother, Noodles, was over 10 pounds with the head of a large melon.)

I was reminded that God has a sense of humor:
I was SO SURE our little girl, “L”, was going to have a huge noggin like Noodles. He was and is still off the charts in head size. Like his father and paternal grandfather, he’ll probably will always have to custom make his hats. But L? She came out with her head in the 25% of all babies her age.

I could have passed her easy! 🙂
If you put her next to Noodles, in fruit terms, it was a navel orange next to a good size honeydew.

But back to the title of this entry:

I’ve always said that this blog would reflect my life…and where I am at the time I am writing it.
I started of just writing about things that interested me. Then it was all about trying to get pregnant. Then about how wonderful it was being a mother.

Then I got pregnant. Fast.

We had so much drama getting pregnant with Noodles I (again God’s sense of humor and timing) thought, surely, it would be a couple of years at least to get pregnant again. And this time, if it happens, it happens. No ‘helping’ the situation. I truly would have been happy with one child. He was so wonderful, he would have been enough.

Little Girl happened two months after we tried.

Then I got tired. And busy.

In the list of things that are important, blogging is pretty low on the list for me. But I did miss it. Every now and then I would think this or that would be a great topic to write about…or I’ll have to remember to do this later. Sometimes, something struck me so intensely, I came back to do a draft to remind myself. (Those I will finish and post…although it may not make much sense chronologically.)

But I digress. The Metamorphosis.

Now this blog is going to be more of a diary for me (Yes, maybe a little weird to blog a diary, but I type MUCH faster than I write. And as long as the Internet is around, I figure I can find my blog. I can’t say the same thing for an actual diary book.)…and later something for my children to read. I’d like them to know their mother was a person who loved them…had lots to share…had faults, wishes & desires…and at times, was funny.

Who knows how long this site will continue. But when they get older, I will give them a link to this. Or copy all of my entries and save it to give to them.

Noodles is going to start school a couple of days a week after Labor Day. I’m hoping if L will let me, I’d blog at least a couple of times a month. I’ll be happy with once a month right now.

So my journey starts…already started in Life…now in print.

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BEFORE BABY
TheJennifer: “Oh look! Here’s a packet of ten bibs. I can put these individual ones back and get these. That’s all I’ll need.”

“Hey, Gerber has a pack of onesies. 6 should almost last me a week. I can just do a load every week. Oh heck, why don’t we get two packs and do laundry every other week?”

AFTER BABY
TheJennifer: “Honey, why are you using that rag as a bib? We bought ten, you know.”
“What do you mean he used them all? He’s not even done with lunch!”

“Dear, do you think we should do a load or two a day instead of 8 on the weekend? I think I smell the motor burning. We really need more onesies. Winter is coming soon. We can’t keep him nekkid all the time. Yes, even if it IS easier to clean him. Someone might see and call CPS.”

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I don’t know about mothers who’ve had more than one child as I’m a brand-spankin’ new mom. But if you are a first time mom, doesn’t it feel like YOU are the first mother EVER?
You think nobody else could have felt what you are feeling? These gut-wrenching fears, or the all encompassing love that overwhelms you at times. Nobody else has experienced and noticed these wonderful new things the way you have? How amazingly developed the muscles in his neck are or evolved his comedic timing is.

Are you as annoying to experienced mothers as they seem to be to you?

Brand New Mothers: “”Every kid does that?” Arrghh!!! MY child is SPECIAL! How can you be so blind as to NOT recognize this?”
Experienced Mothers: “Oh good Lord, you’d think you invented Motherhood! Get over yourself!”

As a new mom, I implore experience mothers to let us have this moment. Just nod your head and say, “That’s wonderful!” instead of “Yeah, most of them will at that age.”

Let us rhapsodize about his cute farts, sweet smelling poos, his amazing aim & timing with his peeing…just this once. Don’t ruin the moment by rolling your eyes. Or telling us how singularly normal all this is.

Remember when you thought YOUR child’s every babble was the most scintillating conversation…every bodily function was the most fascinating thing in the world? That his every action proved he was the most advanced baby this world had ever seen?

I think all children should have had that opportunity…to be that loved in someone’s eyes. Whether a biological mother, adoptive mother, or grandparents…SOMEONE should look at that child and fit to burst with love and pride. My heart breaks for those kids who never got to see or experience what should have been a God-given right to have.

This truly is a magical time for us new moms…kind of like the moment in time when your children believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. So don’t ruin it for us. It’s so fleeting. Who’s it gonna hurt?

Besides, I promise if you let us have this time, I won’t let the cat out of the bag about Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

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Pains of Motherhood

1. Stretchmarks and C-section scar…
2. Heartburn like you wouldn’t believe. Almost would rather not eat than have to deal with it.
3. Gaining weight/bloating: even if you do manage to lose ‘baby weight’, your body will never look like it did BB. “Before Baby”
4. Memory loss: I thought I was going crazy until I read it’s a common thing. If you give me a list of things to do, you lose me at #2.
5. Constipation/hemorrhoids…always ask for the prenatal vitamins with ‘stool softener’. You’ll thank me for this piece of advice.
6. Breasts making a run for the border…the southern border.
7. Breasts sore…or other problems. (thrush, vasospasm, blocked duct, cracking/bleeding, etc.)
8. Hair falling out in clumps. Last time I was in the shower, I had to move the clump to the side for the water to drain. No exaggeration. I don’t need to.
9. Surviving on 3 hours of sleep a DAY. (which probably leads to #4…and possibly #8, too.)
10. Fractured tailbone…you have to sit on a donut, get steroids injected directly into your spine, or surgery.

I list all these not to bellyache about motherhood. In fact, I list these to illustrate how MUCH I love my son.

If I had to do the pregnancy all over again, and knowing these were in store for me…ALL OF THESE and more, I’d do in a second…to have my baby.
How crazy is that? Must be love. 🙂

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I’m coming to realize the biological reason for this phenomenon called ‘pregnancy brain’…that lasts well into motherhood. (At least the early part of motherhood. It might last longer, but as I am only experiencing the first part, I can’t corroborate nor can refute it right now.)

This is what I am thinking:

I distinctly remember telling B that Greyson would be an only child. The delivery wasn’t as smooth as we would have liked it. I had water retention to end all water retentions. (I took pictures to prove it!) The breastfeeding experience was and continues to be horrendously painful. It’s the end of the second month, and they still hurt! But I still do it because I know how good it is for the baby.

I was SO SURE I didn’t want another baby.

But now I’m not so sure. I see pictures of my little one so cute and cuddly…and I want another one!
That is why I figure this ‘motherhood amnesia’ is necessary for procreation and the propagation of the species.

How can you look at this face and NOT want another one?!

bunny-fufu

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If a man comes home to his wife who had their baby a few weeks (even months) ago and say, “So what HAVE you been doing all day.” after looking around the house, I believe you could argue justifiable homicide.

Really.

It’s been almost 6 weeks since I had Noodles…but I don’t seem to get anything done other than be a walking milk bottle for him. He’s been eating every 2-3 hours. And realize that he may eat at 2 o’clock…but if he eats 2 hours later, he’s STARTS at 2, finishes at 2:40. THEN AGAIN starts at 4!

Now he’s hitting his second growth spurt. He eats every hour, it seems like. I think my boobs are attached to him more than not. No exaggeration. They are so sore, anything rubbing up against them causes pain.

And I think I have or had everything wrong with breastfeeding possible:

First had bad latching causing cracked, bleeding nipple tips. Then had thrush which feels like needles and razors going through your breast after each feeding or expressing. Now I have vasospasm in both. And in one, have blocked duct in one of the breast. It feels like a hard knot the size of an egg that won’t release even a little without being massaged out. (and when I say ‘massage’, I mean pressing it until you have bruises)

But you know what? Even with all that, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for Noodles. Nothing.

Although I don’t know if I am going to breastfeed for the year I originally thought I was gonna do. I’m thinking more like 6. But it it doesn’t get better, 3 months.

Why do I feel like such a terrible mother?

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And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

There are some really militant ‘breastfeed only’ advocates out there. They LOOK like normal people. But as soon as you even mention ‘formula’, they get all weird and glaze over.

I KNOW breastfeeding is best. But when you have a 10+ baby who is HUNGRY, and your milk hasn’t come in yet so that little amount of colostrum is all you have, you HAVE to supplement. But she was like, “No, try to do it without.” My baby was starving. Finally, she said, “Well, if you must, give him an ounce of formula.” One ounce?! He can drink that in one suck. Even the nursery nurse said, “She doesn’t see what we see…how hungry he gets. Just feed him 2 ounces if he’s still hungry.”

I felt like a terrible mother. I even cried because how awful I felt…and was made to feel.And he lost so much weight.

My milk has come in…but there are still times when I have to supplement because he’s hit a growth spur and still needs a little extra.

I don’t think I can do this breastfeeding thing for a year. My goal is to do it for 6 months. I’ll even be happy with 3 good months. But I know, I KNOW, breastmilk is best so will try. Thank goodness Nelle got us the Medela breast pump. A godsend!

For those women who can breastfeed and produce enough for their babies, kudos for you. But please don’t make the rest of us feel like terrible mothers because we can’t make enough…or have the babies latch properly. We’re doing the best we can. Even a formula fed baby is better than a starving, emaciated one.

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