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Archive for the ‘observation’ Category

BEFORE BABY
TheJennifer: “Oh look! Here’s a packet of ten bibs. I can put these individual ones back and get these. That’s all I’ll need.”

“Hey, Gerber has a pack of onesies. 6 should almost last me a week. I can just do a load every week. Oh heck, why don’t we get two packs and do laundry every other week?”

AFTER BABY
TheJennifer: “Honey, why are you using that rag as a bib? We bought ten, you know.”
“What do you mean he used them all? He’s not even done with lunch!”

“Dear, do you think we should do a load or two a day instead of 8 on the weekend? I think I smell the motor burning. We really need more onesies. Winter is coming soon. We can’t keep him nekkid all the time. Yes, even if it IS easier to clean him. Someone might see and call CPS.”

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I don’t know about mothers who’ve had more than one child as I’m a brand-spankin’ new mom. But if you are a first time mom, doesn’t it feel like YOU are the first mother EVER?
You think nobody else could have felt what you are feeling? These gut-wrenching fears, or the all encompassing love that overwhelms you at times. Nobody else has experienced and noticed these wonderful new things the way you have? How amazingly developed the muscles in his neck are or evolved his comedic timing is.

Are you as annoying to experienced mothers as they seem to be to you?

Brand New Mothers: “”Every kid does that?” Arrghh!!! MY child is SPECIAL! How can you be so blind as to NOT recognize this?”
Experienced Mothers: “Oh good Lord, you’d think you invented Motherhood! Get over yourself!”

As a new mom, I implore experience mothers to let us have this moment. Just nod your head and say, “That’s wonderful!” instead of “Yeah, most of them will at that age.”

Let us rhapsodize about his cute farts, sweet smelling poos, his amazing aim & timing with his peeing…just this once. Don’t ruin the moment by rolling your eyes. Or telling us how singularly normal all this is.

Remember when you thought YOUR child’s every babble was the most scintillating conversation…every bodily function was the most fascinating thing in the world? That his every action proved he was the most advanced baby this world had ever seen?

I think all children should have had that opportunity…to be that loved in someone’s eyes. Whether a biological mother, adoptive mother, or grandparents…SOMEONE should look at that child and fit to burst with love and pride. My heart breaks for those kids who never got to see or experience what should have been a God-given right to have.

This truly is a magical time for us new moms…kind of like the moment in time when your children believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. So don’t ruin it for us. It’s so fleeting. Who’s it gonna hurt?

Besides, I promise if you let us have this time, I won’t let the cat out of the bag about Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

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If a man comes home to his wife who had their baby a few weeks (even months) ago and say, “So what HAVE you been doing all day.” after looking around the house, I believe you could argue justifiable homicide.

Really.

It’s been almost 6 weeks since I had Noodles…but I don’t seem to get anything done other than be a walking milk bottle for him. He’s been eating every 2-3 hours. And realize that he may eat at 2 o’clock…but if he eats 2 hours later, he’s STARTS at 2, finishes at 2:40. THEN AGAIN starts at 4!

Now he’s hitting his second growth spurt. He eats every hour, it seems like. I think my boobs are attached to him more than not. No exaggeration. They are so sore, anything rubbing up against them causes pain.

And I think I have or had everything wrong with breastfeeding possible:

First had bad latching causing cracked, bleeding nipple tips. Then had thrush which feels like needles and razors going through your breast after each feeding or expressing. Now I have vasospasm in both. And in one, have blocked duct in one of the breast. It feels like a hard knot the size of an egg that won’t release even a little without being massaged out. (and when I say ‘massage’, I mean pressing it until you have bruises)

But you know what? Even with all that, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for Noodles. Nothing.

Although I don’t know if I am going to breastfeed for the year I originally thought I was gonna do. I’m thinking more like 6. But it it doesn’t get better, 3 months.

Why do I feel like such a terrible mother?

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And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

There are some really militant ‘breastfeed only’ advocates out there. They LOOK like normal people. But as soon as you even mention ‘formula’, they get all weird and glaze over.

I KNOW breastfeeding is best. But when you have a 10+ baby who is HUNGRY, and your milk hasn’t come in yet so that little amount of colostrum is all you have, you HAVE to supplement. But she was like, “No, try to do it without.” My baby was starving. Finally, she said, “Well, if you must, give him an ounce of formula.” One ounce?! He can drink that in one suck. Even the nursery nurse said, “She doesn’t see what we see…how hungry he gets. Just feed him 2 ounces if he’s still hungry.”

I felt like a terrible mother. I even cried because how awful I felt…and was made to feel.And he lost so much weight.

My milk has come in…but there are still times when I have to supplement because he’s hit a growth spur and still needs a little extra.

I don’t think I can do this breastfeeding thing for a year. My goal is to do it for 6 months. I’ll even be happy with 3 good months. But I know, I KNOW, breastmilk is best so will try. Thank goodness Nelle got us the Medela breast pump. A godsend!

For those women who can breastfeed and produce enough for their babies, kudos for you. But please don’t make the rest of us feel like terrible mothers because we can’t make enough…or have the babies latch properly. We’re doing the best we can. Even a formula fed baby is better than a starving, emaciated one.

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It’s been a while since I wrote…and I figure it’ll be that way for a while now. I’m going to try to post in order so I don’t get messed up. But again, this is going to be a slow process. Lack of sleep, you understand.

Greyson was a rather ‘husky’ little boy. He was a surprise in size for everybody…including the OBGYN.

Stats:

Oct. 17, 2008, 8:40pm
10 lb 1 oz.
21.5″ long

Oh, btw, he is SO amazing! I’m being totally unbiased here. You can tell he is! 🙂

My friend, Jello, asked me to tell her when I KNEW I was ‘in love’. I think it took me 3 days. The first two days I was so out of sorts from the medication and all. But it just happened. All those things you hear…”You’ll understand when you are a mother.” and all…I UNDERSTAND now. I can’t think of anything I won’t do for this little boy.
I would be a lot more polished in my speech but so tired…just getting this out is saying something.

Delivery Day:

Went in 5:30am, admitted. Started Pitocin. Not much happened. To be honest, the contractions weren’t bad. (but I must admit, I probably have a higher pain tolerance than average) The doctor and nurses kept asking did I want the epidural. But I didn’t think I needed it until right before I had to push in the evening…5pm or so.
I actually had a ‘full house’ in the delivery room with my sister, Donna, Nelle, my mother, and B all there to cheer me on. After a certain point, I really didn’t care who saw what. 🙂

I started to push in earnest for 3 hours…that was so tiring. Dr. Limosnero said his head was starting to swell and was no lower. We might want to consider a C-section…I’ve done everything I could. He just didn’t seem to want to come out that way.

So the room was clear. I was wheeled into the OR with B. They upped the meds through the epidural. The normal cutting, etc. So I finally feel a little tug…then more…than much more forcefully. And pain. I must have wimpered because he put more meds in me. More tugging that felt like my insides were being pulled out.

I felt B get tense next to me. But I do remember asking him, “Did you take a picture?”
I didn’t find out until later that B wasn’t even given the option to cut the cord because Greyson wasn’t breathing for a bit from the stress of the delivery. He was so large that the normal cut for the C-section wasn’t large enough for him. After trying to tug him out, they had to cut into the muscle of my stomach crossway to make enough room to get him out.

After this, everything was wrapped in cotton in my head. Don’t remember who was there…what they said. Even when they put Greyson next to me, I don’t remember much of it. I couldn’t hold him in my arms as the medication gave me no control.

Next day was much the same…fuzziness. People coming in almost every hour to check up on me, my incision, and my stats.

Ren & JoAnn came to visit…but I probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Take pictures. Bye, bye.

Doctor comes in to check on me the next day. My body, face, etc. are swollen. She says that’s normal. Okay. She gives the ‘ok’ to leave so we go home later that day.

My parents and sister had cleaned the house and decorated the livingroom and bedroom with balloons, signs, streamers, and a huge bucket of pink roses. That was so sweet of them. Since my milk hadn’t come in, they were able to feed him with formula while I took a nap.

Later that day, we had sushi. A LOT of sushi. I bet we had a few hundred dollars worth. Thanks Dad! 🙂

A few days later, my dad and sister left to go back to their respective places. Mom stayed on to help me. (As a friend said, Moms are angels on earth. How true.)

BTW, I am still swollen…and getting bigger. I can’t bend my ankles so I waddle when I walk. I also learned why really large people walk this way…the ankles! By Thursday, my MIL is telling me I HAVE to go see the doctor. I emailed the nurse at school with pictures. She says I HAVE to go see the doctor. So I go see the doctor on Friday.

Apparently, when she said I’d be swollen, she didn’t mean what she saw. (which I didn’t think was much different than what she saw me look like two days after delivery.) She put me on 5 days of Lasix.
Pre-delivery, I weighed 148. That Friday, in her office, I weighed 147. That’s how bloated I was.
Monday, I was down 15 pounds. So now back to normal with the bloats gone. My waist is 29 inches and all soft and jiggly 2 weeks after delivery. (When will that tighten up?)

BTW, the stomach looks awful! It’s dark looking with crepey textured skin. The linea negre is not going away. There’s an extra pouch of ridge right above the incision mark. However, the incision mark is great. She did a great job with that.

It’s going to be a slow process. But at least I can get back into my normal ‘fat’ jeans. Now to get back into my regular clothes.

But it’s all worth it for our amazing little boy. He’s so adorable and cute…and gaseous like his daddy.
Will have to post pictures later.

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So it’s finally here. The day I get induced.

I’m actually writing this for Noodles so bear with me with the details:

Mommy’s first checkup with Dr. Bookout…he said I’m due October 19th. Went to my regular OBGYN. After a sonogram, she said my due date is the 13th. So went with that. But now we’re thinking…maybe it was the 19th?

So…here we are at 3:13 in the morning of the 17th. I don’t KNOW for sure if I had my first true contraction at 2:40 am. But (more…)

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1. Every time you call someone, you have to preface it by saying “No, no! I’m not calling to tell you I’m in labor!”

2. The last month will kick your butt! I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life.

3. The last week or two before you deliver, you are constantly checking your underwear for something odd…or sometimes the toilet. And is it only me? But every time I do #2 (TMI?) I worry I might start delivering. I know it’s not possible…but still….

4. I’ve come to the conclusion that anyone who’s every made an alien/horror movie where something inside the body comes bursting forth HAD to have seen a pregnant woman’s stomach. That rumbling around…odd body parts poking here and there…it’s not that far of a leap to it bursting forth.

5. You learn new words…like “effacing” (does NOT mean the baby is ‘facing’ you, I learned), and “bloody show”…muscus plug (which is as gross as it sounds).

6. You are amazed at what people will tell you about their bodies when you are pregnant…or rather when you are right about to give birth.  Of course you’re telling them about YOUR hemorrhoid, flatulence, enema, etc. so it’s really only fair. Basically, nothing is considered TMI at this point in your life.

7. All sense of privacy is thrown out the window pretty early on. I’ve had so many people poke & prod me, I don’t think twice about taking off my clothes in front of people at my exams. “Oh wait! I’ll leave to give you privacy.”  Why? You’re about to see things not even my husband has seen…or wants to see.

8. Your ability to recognize spatial difference goes out the window the last month of pregnancy. At least it did for me. I went from a relatively small size…or not showing much throughout my pregnancy…to BAM the last month, I GREW like you wouldn’t believe! So that space between the chairs in a restaurant you could squeeze through before? Nope, you can’t anymore. You’re libeled to hit one or the other guy…or both…in the head with your enormous belly. And when you turn sideways to get through a tight squeeze…you’re actually BIGGER in that direction.

9.  Another thing that goes out the window? Grooming. After a certain point, you don’t worry that you haven’t shaved your legs in a couple of month. You really can’t reach your legs without looking like a weird contortionist anyway. And ‘down below’? Ha! I haven’t see that area in more months than I can count!
Besides, do you really want to surprise your OBGYN during the delivery? “Oh, that’s new.  Is that a ducky shape or a teddy bear?” (although, going off on a tangent: women who regularly get Brazilian wax jobs might be able to take the pains of childbirth better than women who don’t, don’t you think?)

10. I’m keeping open because I still have a few more days to go. 🙂

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